Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Passion Series: Fatherhood

I have been writing this post in my head for months now. As some of you know, I started the "Passion Series" to share some of the things that I've become more passionate about since starting this blog. We've talked about motherhood, but today is my husband's birthday, so I'm going to talk about Fatherhood.
I'll be completely honest, I knew very little about fatherhood, minus the fact that I have a wonderful dad who has helped me grow into the person I am now, but I only knew one side of fatherhood, and that was through the eyes of a child.

As I have watched the person I love turn into a father, I have realized the heavy dedication it takes to be a dad. In full disclosure, I didn't understand why Matt wasn't ready to have kids when I was ready. I was ready to have a baby about 1 year before we started trying for Kess. Matt was mid-MBA, mid-working full time & mid-exhaustion. Now, I'm not entirely selfish, the plan was the wait until Matt graduated, but I like to think about things way in advance and Matt is totally "in the moment"... I knew I had to start buzzing in Matt's ear about a baby well before I knew we would actually start trying, but the more he said that he wasn't quite ready, the more stubborn I became, even though I knew it wasn't time yet.

After Matt graduated with his MBA, we thought we would start trying for a baby. Then Matt asked if we could just wait for summer to be over. We could enjoy our last summer without kids with camping and hiking. While it was a great idea, I was still miffed. I remember selfishly saying, "Why does it even matter to you? I'm the one that will be pregnant. I'm the one who is going to be breastfeeding. I'm the one who is going to be staying home. I'm the one who is going to be getting up in the middle of the night. Having a baby hardly affects you." How arrogant (and rude) was I? That selfish comment has replayed in my mind over and over again as I watch my husband wake up in the middle of the night with our daughter, as he walks me out of her room because I'm exhausted and at the end of my rope, as I watch him hug and kiss Kess the second he walks through the door, or as we climb into bed at night, we check the baby monitor one more time and he says, "I love her more than anything."

I have two very clear images in my mind relating to Matt and Kess. The first is the moment she was born. They sat her on my chest and Matt touched her tiny hand and she wrapped her bitty fingers around Matt's. I will never forget that, ever. And, the very first night we brought Kess home, I was terrified and exhausted. I was so nervous for her to wake up in the middle of the night. I remember that first little cry that woke us up out of our sleep. Matt turned on his lamp, flashed me a huge smile and said, "I'll get her!"

So, I am constantly reminded about my selfish comment by the way he treats Kess and I. On top of that, I can't imagine the stress that comes with earning the primary income for our family.
Matt isn't a flawless dad, just like I'm not a flawless mom, but he works so hard to provide the life that we dreamed of for our family. We often talk about how important the motherhood role is, and I wholeheartedly think that fatherhood is just as important.

Happy Birthday Matthew, I cannot imagine my life without you. How incredibly lucky are we to know that we are each other's forever? You are the husband I dreamed of, the husband I prayed for. And now, you are the best father Kess and our future children could ask for. We can't wait to celebrate with you tonight! We love you more than you could ever comprehend!


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